Host and Carer Stories
Debbie knows what it’s like to feel pushed out at 16. That early experience shaped her lifelong commitment to giving young people the stable home she didn’t have. Now in her third decade of hosting, she has supported more than 50 teenagers and young adults through Supported Lodgings with Step by Step.
“To see someone come to you feeling unconfident, unmotivated and a bit lost, and leave with a clear direction of where they want to be — that’s the best thing you could do for anybody."
"When I was 16, I was thrown out," Debbie recalls. "I was very lucky I had a brother who was 12 years older than me. I went and lived with him and went off to university. But I’ve got a real empathy with people who feel they’re not within their own family units. That stays with you."
Debbie describes how it took her until her thirties, when she had children of her own, to feel comfortable in her skin. That experience, she says, gives her a strong connection to the young people she supports: "It’s very hard not being with your parents, because those are the people who you think you should be with unconditionally."
Debbie has been hosting for more than three decades. "In the last 10 years, we worked out it was 24 young people," she says. "Over the 30 it’s about 56, if you add on the two we had over December as emergency placements."
Many of those young people are still part of her life. "Most of them still keep in touch. We still see lots of them for Christmas. Some come for sleepovers on Christmas Eve and then go off to their own families on Christmas Day. I do a lot of babysitting now for the ones that are married with children."
One young woman’s story stands out for Debbie. "She had been abused by her brother, but her parents sided with him rather than her. She was just finishing her GCSEs and came to live with me."
Back then, young people could stay for two years in Supported Lodgings. "She stayed her full two years, moved into unsupported lodgings, didn’t like it and came back. Eventually she got a council tenancy. I still see her now. I bought her wedding dress."
Debbie has seen young people arrive with almost nothing. "Some come with just a couple of pairs of pants and T-shirts, usually in a black bag or carrier bag. Especially if they’ve been sofa surfing. They’re usually very shy, nervous, not sure what to expect."
She works hard to help them settle at their own pace. "We always have a first meeting before they move in, to give them a chance to look around and see how they feel about the setup. Then the first full day together is when you really start to get to grips with what they’re like."
For many, just seeing how her family lives opens up new possibilities. "Our five children always had goals. A Saturday job, driving lessons, university. Many young people who come here don’t know what’s next. They just lurch from Universal Credit payment to payment. They’ve never had a reason to hope."
Debbie teaches practical independence. "We help with money management: which bills are important, what their priorities are. That’s not always obvious to them."
Cooking is a weekly tradition. "They cook on Wednesdays and invite someone over for supper. They pick the recipe, I buy the ingredients, and they cook for their guest and for us. It teaches something different every week and helps them feel like this is their home."
Debbie sets expectations early on. "I tell them what I expect, but it’s never more than I expected from my own kids. The only rules are: always tell me the truth and don’t take what doesn’t belong to you."
She acknowledges the challenges. "If someone isn’t a great communicator, that can be hard. But you find a way. Especially with ADHD or autism, you have to adapt your style. It’s not about reacting emotionally. It’s about finding what makes them comfortable."
Debbie speaks openly about stigma. "There’s a stigma around drug use, alcohol, mental health, criminal records. But none of this makes them a bad person, they've just made a bad choice. Tell me a 16 year old who hasn't done something stupid?"
So what makes a good host? "I think always being honest," says Debbie. "Never say anything to professionals that you haven’t talked through with the young person first. The relationship between you and them has to have the most trust."
And would she recommend it? "It’s really rewarding. You develop great relationships. To see someone come to you feeling unconfident, unmotivated and a bit lost, and leave with a clear direction of where they want to be — that’s the best thing you could do for anybody."
Step by Step’s Supported Lodgings has become the first service of its kind to achieve Ofsted accreditation. We are now the largest Supported Lodgings provider in the UK, as well as being considered the authority in the field.
